a visit
the mood in the room
does not change week after week
as if time has paused
hopes shift slowly into regrets
yesterday is full of good-byes
she sleeps surrounded
by framed pictures of the dead
brothers and sister
under mom's and pop's proud gaze
family still together
talk to dementia
will any truth reach her heart
does she even hear
no acknowledgment, no frown
what does truth sound like, anyway?
a breeze stirs the blinds
they sway back and forth in pairs
refreshing the air
the stillness in the room holds us
together as we break
she takes her last breaths
we wonder how it happened
favorite things lost
so much abandoned in haste
she should have eaten more sweets
Days of drifting dead in a fleeting world
“mono no aware”
– Japanese aesthetic for beauty present in fleeting, sorrowful impermanence
I feel more
out of place in the land
of my ancestors
the foreigner asking
where do I belong if not here?
When my grandparents left
they forged a new path
no future in Japan
they didn’t look back.
There is much beauty
in this place
but I will never
belong here
nor understand
“mono no aware”.
When I am dead
do not spread my ashes
in this country
my soul would wander aimless
never touching ground
and echoes speak
in words I failed to learn.
If you find my ashes
place me somewhere safe
not in a place of prominence
nor in such a way to be lost
I did try to belong.
Am I alone?
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